he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
