This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
