I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
