So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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