i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
