i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
