I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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