Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
