i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
