College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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