I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
