I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
