Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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