i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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