Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
