i just google imaged poop.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
