rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
