Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm eating all of the evidence.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
