we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
