sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
