its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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