ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
