Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
