We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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