I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
