be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
