I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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