Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
