Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize