Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
