He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
