Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
