you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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