I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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