You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
