look no pants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
