Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
