He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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