drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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