This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
