One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize