Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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