i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's great music for shaving your balls
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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