so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
