I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
