I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
