I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
