I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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