Welp...herpes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
