just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
