u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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