I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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