I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
