I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
