I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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