I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
