Jerry, you need to find god
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
