One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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