i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
