i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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