he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize